Feeling Schizophrenic

I actually spelled that right on the first try which means I'm awesome and failing spelling in second grade didn't actually hold me back.

I am a monkey in the middle. Something entirely of my own doing, unfortunately. I got close to two people who no longer want to be close to each other. There I am between the two. For the most part they aren't making me choose a side, which is good because I don't intend to (Sorry guys, I love you both). There are obvious downfalls to not picking a side like being lied to and having to lie myself -- or withhold information if you want to pretty up the words. There are upsides to being in the middle too. I get to hear two sides of the story where most other people form their opinions based entirely on only half of a story. They enjoy their ignorance and pretend like the other party is 100% evil and their side is 100% perfect. The problem is there's no way that could ever be true. It's just easier to believe. Everyone has problems and everyone has relationship issues and everyone has their own version of "what really happened." What's making me feel so insane at this point is that the stories don't seem to match up very well. One person tells me events that happened that seem vital to the story and the other person tells me other things that person number one never mentioned. Then the parts that are about the same event seem vastly different depending on who you hear it from. Both sound perfectly rational when I talk to them and they sound like they are being honest, but obviously there is something missing otherwise the two stories would sound a little more similar.

Then there is the third party. The truly evil one. The one who instigates and makes a troubled relationship even worse. Granted, I haven't had the pleasure of hearing this person's version of events, but honestly if I were to tell the story from my stand point you wouldn't want to here The Evil One's version of events anyway. It would only be accurate and worthwhile if this person said "I'm a complete f*ck up and I should have stayed a million miles away." And even if those words had been uttered I would still want to slit this person's throat. There is no version that this person could portray that would put them in a good light. Yikes.

So I have all these conflicting stories and my own skewed opinions on the whole event. I have people calling me to find out details when they haven't been part of this story from the beginning and just now (now that its falling apart) want to jump in a attempt to be useful. In then end my head seems to be stretched to the furthest points and on the verge of cracking open. I want to cry for some, scream at others, kill one, and tell the other f*ck off. I'm feeling a range of emotions to go along with all those wants and at the end of the day I just want to pretend like this isn't happening. And its not even happening to me! I'm just a bystander! Innocent -- well kind of in this story.

I hope my head stays the way it is (ie not cracked or exploding) and I hope I didn't hurt any one else's head with this rant (that probably makes no sense to people on the outside).