Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Another "I Hate People" Moment

Or more accurately another moment in my life where it makes me sad to be part of the human race. I have disabled comments on my blog. Now, logic is probably suggesting that I did this because I got a nasty comment that I just couldn't handle and I never wanted it to happen again. Sadly, this is not the case. It was another blog that inspired this decision. I've been getting regular feeds from several of my favorite blogs for quite some time now and while I'm doing this to read the blog and not the comments sometimes I feel the need to know what others think about a specific post. Every time I go to the comment section I am pretty disappointed in humanity. Because people are allowed to post their comments anonymously or with a user name like "goddess894374" people think that they can say whatever the fuck they feel like. I saw a humor blog comment section turn into a race riot in less than 20 posts. A HUMOR BLOG. A blog meant to inspire laughter or good feelings. When a race riot isn't started in a comment section ignorance reigns supreme. Misspelling and grammatical atrocities that make it painful to decipher what the moron was even trying to say in the first place. I just can't take it.

And even though I don't get comments often enough for this to really matter on my little blog I don't think I've gotten any overly profound comments that I feel I'll be loosing out by not hearing what the world has to say. Most of the people who do read my blog and feel the need to comment about something talk to me on a regular basis and can say these things to me. Face to face. Or at least over the phone. I don't need the comments. Negative or positive. I'll live in my own little bubble where I can pretend people aren't comprised of 90% assholes/morons.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Patient Tales #542

I've skipped posting a lot of them.... because why would I exaggerate or make up a number like that?

I'm sure anyone reading my blog has been to the doctors at least one time in their adult life. This is assuming I have anyone still reading my blog after such sporadic postings, of course. And, of course, when you are at the doctor you get the wonderful clipboard with bullshit papers that you have to fill out every time you go in even though they already have all the information and you've deemed them tree killers (or is that just me and my doctor's office? Seriously, I have to fill out a demographic sheet every f'ing time I go there.). So the doctor I work for has these amazing demographic sheets as well. The worksheet we have is only one page of actual filling out and then the standard HIPPA regulation page that the patients only have to sign so I don't count it as actually filling out. Our demographic page looks much like any other doctor form you've filled out over a lifetime. But are you one of those special individuals that likes to tell your life story via patient registration sheets? Because apparently the patients our facility attracts constant enter into TMI land.
Over the course of the three and a half years that I have been entering information from these pages I have noticed several trends:
1. Marital Status
Apparently Single, Married, and Divorced are just not enough to explain our patient's marital status. We need to switch to the facebook style and have an 'it's complicated' option -- now I'm a little tempted to put that in the next time I have to fill out that bullshit. In all the time I've been working on these things I have seen many "happily married" with varying amounts of smiley faces surrounding this, "NA" not applicable -- because they are neither single nor married nor divorced they are beyond these trivial human word associations, "in the process of a shitty divorce" and there certainly wasn't enough room for that in the space allotted so they were determined to get that off their chest, etc.
2. Allergies
This may be a sensitive subject since I'm sure this varies from office to office of how much info they need, but at the vast majority of offices (excluding an allergist) do not need to know what foods you are (or think you are) allergic to nor do they need to know you have seasonal allergies for which you take over the counter meds. I can't speak for all offices, but when we ask we want to know medicinal allergies. Like penicillin not strawberries. We aren't going to feed you strawberries, but we may need to know about the penicillin. Although telling your waiter that you're deathly allergic to green peppers just to make sure they don't put any in your food is totally acceptable.
3. Current Medications
If you take vitamins good for you. A general broad canvas of "vitamins" or "daily vitamin" is actually more than we care to know about, but still acceptable -- writing down how many and every specific one you take is not. Having a printed up list of all the meds you take, although acceptable, is a little terrifying and generally makes us think you are already on your death bed.
4. Past Operations/Medical Illnesses
Holy crap! I can't even go into all the craziness we experience in this section. I think it goes against HIPPA regs, but I do have to say "multiple attempts at suicide" is slightly unsettling.
and lastly...
5. Crossing off sections you don't approve of...
You would think that an optional section would be labeled as "OPTIONAL" but no. Apparently our whole form can be taken with a grain of salt. We don't need this information. We only ask for it to give you callouses on your fingers from writing too much and a cramp in your hand. It amuses us. But the whole reason for today's outburst is because recently I had a patient cross of the "sex" section. I would think it obvious that we aren't looking for the Mike Meyer response of "Yes, please!" and that we are actually asking about your gender, but on several occasions we have gotten variations of the low brow humor that goes along with any mention of the taboo word, sex. This past week I had a patient cross out the word "sex" and replace it with "gender". Thank you, lady. I may not have understood that otherwise. I get confused easily.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Can I Have the Model Number?

I don't know about anyone else out there, but I really do enjoy screwing with telemarketers. Nothing too obnoxious, I mean, they are real people just making a living too, right? It's not their fault that they are making my job annoying and miserable by calling, I suppose. It's the small pleasures in life that make it all worthwhile and one of my small pleasures is messing with these people. Mostly, its just a game around the office. The guy calls up and says, "Hi, I represent the people who got you your copier and we want to send you a new catalog. Can you give me the model number on your copier?" Right away I know this is a lie. First of all, I know the people that sold us our copier. She was in a couple weeks ago with a new brochure and if she wanted the model number she would have got it then. So its pretty obvious that this guy's whole job revolves around screwing over unsuspecting receptionists who have no clue who sold them their copier. So I immediately say to the guy, "Sure! Hold on." Then I start talking bets around the office for how long we can get the guy to stay on hold for. Today I was the only one in the office so it wasn't quite as entertaining as it usually is. It did cheer me up a little to know that whatever commission this guy may make on these calls was totally lost for the six minutes he stayed on hold. You'd think they'd learn the places they call and stop calling the ones that already know their game.
I am also fond of telling telemarketers that they have to talk to my boss and then let her bitch them out. Hey, she has a door on her office and I'm out in the open. If our patients hear my telling someone to fuck off they might get offended or some bullshit. There isn't really a lot of damage I can do to these people since I am supposed to be acting professional and all, but the little things really do make it worthwhile.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Real Writing....

Obviously I haven't written in a long time. I don't have much to say -- well we all know that isn't true. Honestly, I've been busy with my real writing. I mean my stories, of course. Since I decided to stop posting my stories on here (no one was actually reading them) I don't have much else to post. My life is essentially the same as it's always been. I'm still with my boyfriend and will will be actually living together (or 'officially living in sin" as he likes to call it) by the end of next month. I'm still working at the same place and doing a damn fine job (as evident from my raise and bonus). No major friend drama has occurred (not that I'd really want to write about it in here anyway) and I don't have any exceptionally funny stories about crazy patients to tell. I mean other than the standard crazies which I guess I'm just getting used to. One recently made us go covert just to get her money. She didn't want anyone to know that she was paying for the procedure herself so she designed a whole secretive plan to get her money from her purse to the billing department. It was pretty exciting -- well it would have been if I hadn't been at lunch when it all went down.

Nope, I live a pretty uneventful life at the moment and I'm satisfied with my after work activities. I'm doing pretty well on my story. It is now sixty pages long and it hasn't quite reached its climax yet. I feel pretty hopefully. I'm on the sixth book in the "Dead Until Dark" series that inspired the pretty fantastic show "True Blood" on HBO. I hope they keep this series going through all the books I've already read. It'll be interesting. I've also been into "Dexter" an awesome show on Showtime (for you obvious people out there) and I plan to read all the books that are related to that show as soon as I'm done with Sookie Stackhouse tales.

I guess the only reason I'm writing this blog is because the handful of readers I actually do have reading my blog have managed to comment that I'm being a slacker. I guess you can no longer say that, can you?

Friday, October 10, 2008

More New Stuff!

A story that I've had in my head since my sophomore year in high school just received an ending. You see, in my little world I come up with a scene that I think would be cool and I continue to develop that scene into a story. Usually moving on from the point that I start gives me a complete story with plot twists, a great opening, and an ending that makes sense for that story. Sometimes I come up with an idea that seems cool, but it never goes anywhere so the story ends up in the recycle bin in my brain. Of course I never take the recycle bin to the recycle center to get rid of it because I'm lazy and so it just sits there collecting dust.

Well, today one of those dust covered gems decided to resurface and say "Hey, look ma, I have an ending!" I really haven't thought much about this particular story since shortly after I got it into my head. Once I realized it was going no where I moved onto.... well, something else that went nowhere, but that hardly matters now. I moved on and just assumed that story would never see the light of day. Hell it would never even see the pages of my journal.

I was just sitting at my desk making new charts and spacing off. The Today show is droning on in the background when it struck me. "Hey, my main character is supposed to be a famous singer so duh, why wouldn't an interview be the best way to tie all my jumbled thoughts together?" They weren't interviewing anyone on the Today show to give me this insight, but I'm still going to credit them. Maybe it doesn't seem like much of a revelation to the outsiders (in other words, people not inside my head), but the moment that idea presented itself to me the rest of the story fell into my lap. Since the story only had one good scene in it that really was quite a gem to fall into my lap.

So, I can't exactly work on this project since I'm already plugging away at another project, but at least now the idea is mapped out and one day I'll be able to return to it. October is an awesome month for me getting ideas. I love this month.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


I probably should have titled this "Inconsequential Nonsense" to be more accurate, but I already filled in the title box and its not likely that I'll actually move my cursor back up to that box because I'm exceptionally lazy. My laziness is really the reason for the randomness that this blog is about to become. I have three totally unrelated observations that I've come across in the past month.

Alphabetical Insurance

This is the most recent observation I've come across, but probably the least interesting as well so that is why I'll start with it. I was at work earlier this week and overheard a conversation that my manager was having with a patient about her insurance. My manager had gotten a claim returned because the insurance company claimed they were not the primary insurance and they would not pay until after the primary insurance paid. Which is of course how it always has been. You see, we foolishly trust our patients to know which of their insurance is primary and which is secondary. Unfortunately most people are exceedingly stupid when it comes to health care even though they are paying a crap ton of money for it each year.

So the woman that my manager is speaking to is freaking out thinking their insurance is not going to pay (because of course she wasn't listening to a word my manager was saying). So, still freaking out she passes the conversation on to her husband who starts to spaz out because he's listening to his crazy wife as opposed to my manager (who actually knows what she's talking about). Eventually my manager is able to get across to these two exceptionally dumb people that she just wants to know which company is their primary so we can resubmit the claim.

The man insists that his Coventry Health Care insurance comes first because (and this so needs quotes) "It comes first in the alphabet."


This man was sure that the way you tell the difference between your primary insurance and your supplemental insurance is by seeing which company would appear first in the phone book. Well, hell that just made our job a lot more convenient because Blue Cross Blue Shield of Nebraska is way better at paying out than any other company.

Now, time for the amusing part of this story: The guys other insurance was Blue Cross Blue Shield. Let that sink in for a moment. BCBS is insurance company one and Coventry is insurance two. He claimed that Coventry had to come first because of the alphabet........ yep, go ahead and wrack your brain to figure out what alphabet he was using. The best my manager could come up with was the fact that his name came before his wife's name if you put them in alphabetical order and maybe that's how crazy brain processes information.

Pink Backpack

My two year old nephew really likes the color PINK. That's right a little boy liking PINK. GOD FORBID!! Anyway, so its the new school year and that means new school supplies and a new backpack for him. Naturally with his current obsession with all things pink he points to a pink backpack and claims he wants no other. My brother refused. REFUSED to buy him a pink backpack. I'm sure in his head he is trying to "protect" him from getting made fun of at the daycare by "mean kids". He's TWO years old. He goes to daycare with other TWO year old kids. You know, the age where you still don't care if your clothes match or not. Who's really going to be made fun of for this?

So, I've been dwelling on this for the past month because I still find it ridiculous that he can't have pink. Pink soda and pink frosted cupcakes are no problem, but him wearing pink is. Weird. So why doesn't the same hold true for little girls? A little girl can go into a store and say "I want the spider-man backpack" and most parents would think it odd, but not stop her or force her to get the pink and purple one with little ponies prancing on it. No one says you can't wear blue because its a boys color and the inequality annoys me. Colors are sexist. Not cool.

Pregnancy Dreams

My third observation of the month was the weirdness of the multiple pregnancy dreams I've been having. I looked it up on the dream encyclopedia and it assures me that it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm pregnant. In fact it gives this horrible description about changing views about something or new beginnings.... blah, whatever. The point is I've had weird pregnancy dreams. First, when I was still dreaming in third person (before I went back to writing in first person) I dreamt about a girl I knew down in Texas being pregnant with her first boy which I told her about and she responded by saying she couldn't have children anymore because she got her tubes tied. Well, okay. That's not a prophetic dream then. More recently I've been dreaming in first person. I haven't dreamed in first person since I was in high school. That was when I started writing all my stories in third person and my dreams followed that line of thinking. So, as some of you know, my newest story is written in first person and so I've begun dreaming in first person again. It took some getting used to.
So I had a dream a few weeks ago, probably closer to a month ago now, that I was pregnant. It was odd, but dreams usually are. It didn't feel like anything in the first dream. I just knew I was pregnant because my belly was all big and stuff. Then only a couple of weeks ago I had another pregnancy dream and this time I could actually feel something moving and it was all sorts of creepy. In the next chunk of dream I was no longer pregnant, but I also didn't have a baby so it was just strange overall.
So, what point am I trying to make with telling you all about my dreams? Well, I wasn't really, but after my friend told me she was pregnant I decided that was why I was having the dreams. I really am psychic. Sweet.

I'll post more randomness some other time. Thanks for reading.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Something New

Well after the overwhelming (yawn) demand for more chapters on my last story I decided to let that one go. Not forever, but for now.

So instead I was bored at work and skimming through my random files looking for one of my older works to look at and work on. I had a few potential ideas for some of the older works that I had started and never finished, but I wasn't really in the mood to dive into any of the old stuff. I needed to get away from the old and jump into something new. And i did.

Out of no where a world began to unfold in front of me and the more I wrote the more I realized that this world was far superior the the world I had created for Eartha and Garrick. In fact I had come to realize that this was Eartha and Garrick's world and I had accidentally plopped them in someone else's world. My mistake. But this new world had a story that was more pressing than Eartha and she was still on the back burner. Before I could explain her story and bring her into this better world I had to explain someone else's first.

So as the world and the new girl's story began to open up to me I found some familiar faces. Some friendly and some... well, soulless ones as well. A character who has gone through a whole re-working has come back and is worse than ever. He has a new name and a new look and I think he's pretty bad-ass in a whole, "I'm a complete bastard who wants to ruin your life." kind of way. I'm twenty-five pages into this new tale and he's already a murderer (which who's to say he wasn't before page twenty-five, but this is the first one the readers get to see).

Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about this one. I think this idea is more straight forward and I think it will open up to a more suitable place for Eartha and Garrick to play out their stories. I'll keep you updated as it progresses, but I don't think there will be any chapter posting of this one. For those of you loyal enough to my writing... well, you know where to find me and my stories. For the rest of you.... why are you hear again?