In the Cycle

Anyone who fancies themselves an artist will understand the cycle. You know the one, I promise. It's the constant cycle of inspiration one moment and writer's block the next. It doesn't matter if you are a painter, a poet, a writer, or whatever else you want to call yourself. We all have our moments of dead time and our furious moment of enlightenment. We all feel a little bipolar at times. Caffeine induced hyperactivity on Monday and "maybe if I stab myself with my pen I'll get inspired" on Thursday.

I constantly have ideas racing through my head for the next great story, but I often can't muster up the energy to put it to paper (or computer in most cases anymore). I've been stuck in the "self loathing" part of the cycle for a while now. I hate everything I write, I find fault in everything I draw and don't even get me started on my painting disability. (This one is already being disposed of via my cousin who promised to take it in. Hey, canvases are far too expensive to just toss into the dumpster I have to find homes for them.)

Mostly, I've not been happy with the one story I managed to finish. Yes, I am talking about the one I post chapters here on my blog. I haven't felt the need to post a chapter on here for quite some time. If you read my blog you'll notice a surprising lack of blogging throughout the month of February. Other than the fact that I loathe the month in general I didn't want to post any more chapters and so I neglected the whole blog for a month. And no, I don't plan to make it up by posting fifteen blogs this month. I'm just stating the obvious fact that I haven't posted much since January.

Well now, as the weather is warming and my mood is inevitably improving, I've decided to pull myself out of my funk for the hundredth time and start again. That's why I painted the picture above. I may find faults with it in all the details, but the fact that I did it in less than two hours suggests that I may be getting the blood flowing back into my mind and my fingers. I've been downloading lots of music to my iPod the past couple of weeks (so much so that there is more music that I don't know on there than what I do know). During the time that it takes to put on iTunes and then transfer to my iPod I've been pulling open Word a lot. It's all been random, both the story I choose to write and what part of the story I'm writing, but I figure its better than not writing at all. I even e-mailed myself what I started last night so I can continue to do that instead of playing classic sim city and getting all pissy with the earthquakes burn down half of my city. By the way, I can totally understand why people stopped playing the original sim city now.

So, I don't know if I will go back to posting chapters of my story on here or if I'll ever post any bits of my other stories that I've been working on, but know that I'm still trying and hopefully someday soon there will be a book that was poured onto the page by my leaking brain.