Tales from the Republic

This weekend I finally hung out with one of my "When It's Convenient for Me" friends. It was nice since I haven't see her in a while. Of course, even when i lived with her I didn't see much of her so I don't really think much of it. We were chatting about all sorts of random stuff and our old manager from Banana Republic came up in the conversation. Not that this is all that unusual since everyone who has ever worked with this woman probably has about a thousand stories to share as well. So, I decided to write all the stories I have about her down here in my blog. I had originally intended to make this blog at my other site, but i never did it. Now, I'm doing it here instead.

This manager had many aliases in the Banana Republic world (including, but not limited to G, Mom, Your Mother, Crazy, Circus Music, et cetera) so I don't think it will be a problem keeping her real identity safe. You know, just in case someone who knows her, reads this and somehow gets offended by it. Even though they are all true stories and she really can't dispute them or get offended. So, let's start with every one's favorite:

G Story #1: Hola!

Well, at the Republic we have a number of ethnicities coming in and out of the store and you would think that it would be common sense not to single anyone out based on their race. Of course, according to G she didn't.

An Indian family came into the store and were browsing in the men's section. While the father looked through the sale section the mother followed her toddler around as the little girl explored. G sees the little girl and immediately rushes over to terrify her. G bends over and screeches in the little girls face, "HOLA!" And of course the toddle just stares at her blankly and then looks around for her mother who appears to be quite angry at this point. The mother snatches up her child and glares at G, "Um, I doubt she will understand you seeing how we're not Mexican."

At this point G tries desperately to cover her ass by lamely replying, "Oh, well, I just came back from a trip from Mexico and I just think the language is beautiful, don't you?" You see, in G's mind she has done nothing offensive and she just goes along in her happy little delusion.

Everyone else is far more entertained by this story than I am, but I figured i would tell that one first since everyone else loves it so much. The next story was unfortunate for one person and entertaining as hell for the rest of us who got to hear the tale second-hand.

G Story #2: Tampons

This was a time when we had to take our deposit to the bank every morning. Two people had to go on each trip. One of them had to be a manager, but the other person could be anyone working in the store. Unfortunately this time it was Thomas's sad duty to head off with G.

G and Thomas took off to the bank and the rest of us went off for our fifteen minute break. Thomas comes back with a blank and somewhat pale look on his face. We ask him what happened this time (since G stories were pretty common at this point) and he tells us, "We pulled up to the window and G pulled a bag out of her purse that she thought was the deposit and it was a huge Ziploc bag filled with tampons. She didn't notice and she just kept yapping away at me and plopped it down on the deposit tray. They teller refused to pull the tray back in and I just kept staring at it. It was about two minutes before she realized what she had done. When she saw it she wasn't even embarrassed! She then proceeded to tell me why she had a bag full of tampons!" We all started laughing, of course, because it hadn't happened to us so it was funny. We bugged him until he told us what her insane excuse was for carrying a bag full of tampons around with her. Apparently, G is going through menopause and needs an arsenal of all different sized tampons, just in case.

Poor, Thomas! He told us later he was contemplating jumping out of the car and running down the street because she felt the need to talk about her irregular period all the way back to the store. My next story will be the last one for the day. It was one of the times I could have gotten in trouble for running my mouth off again.

G Story #3: Circus Music

On this fine day G was acting extra crazy and the other manager named Mark was getting frustrated. He approached me and asks, "I wonder what the hell is going on in her head most of the time?" And I, who should learn to keep my mouth shut, replies, "I theorize circus music." I was just being the smart ass that I normally am, but Mark seemed to think this was the funniest thing he had ever heard. After laughing for a good fifteen minutes Mark starts humming circus music and cracks himself up. This goes on all day. And if it would have ended there it probably would have been okay.

But, no. Mark keeps humming circus music every time G starts acting even slightly crazy and continues to crack up about it every time he does it. Now, I seem to think that somehow G is going to over hear this and ask him why he keeps humming that. And then one day it happened. She's acting crazy again and the moment Mark thinks she's out of ear shot he starts humming the circus music again. She walks by again and she hears him humming, but instead of her asking him why he's doing it G announces, "Hey! That sounds like Circus Music!" and then starts singing it out herself. Mark nearly pissed his pants and I turned bright red half with wanting to explode with laughter and half out of embarrassment for starting it.

So, I think that's enough G time for the day. I have plenty of others and can probably obtain more if I were to call up some friends who still work there, but for now that's all you get. I'm sure i will be inspired to write more soon.

Enjoy your day.