Current Book Image Stuck In My Head: "...She felt the cold in her skin and bones. The chill went through her heart and into the very core of her being. A place that should never be cold and she feared would never be warm again. This frost inside of her could not be warmed by a hot shower or even the sun..."
Current Tune Stuck In My Head: The Hy-Vee jingle: Where there's a helpful smile in every aisle. (I have no idea why since I haven't seen or heard the commercial for Hy-Vee in quite a while.)
So neither of those things have anything to do with this particular entry, but both things are stuck in my head and I thought I would share the misery with anyone who opts to read this blog. Well, that is, if you are prone to getting images or jingles stuck in your head. I'm sure most people are more likely to get that jingle stuck in their head than the image, but that image has been pestering me for a month or so now.
No, this blog actually has a more important job (for me). I have an issue to work out and the issue isn't even my own. It's my friend's. Now, why am I trying to figure out a problem that's not even mine? Because she is my friend and for some odd reason cares about my opinion on the matter. So, this blog is my way to work out her problem on "paper" before I go on a rant towards her. This will be my therapeutic tool for the day and anyone who reads this needs to know that I'm not actually asking for advice from the general public so much as helping myself through this problem.
So, first (for any reader who care), a short history lesson: My friend, for as long as I've known her, has had three best friends. I, of course, am one of them. There is another utterly fantastic friend and then there is the "when it's convenient for me" friend. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure we all have a few friends like this. You know the one, "Hey we should hang out this weekend. I'll call you." and then they don't call you. I have a couple of those friends and I've accepted them for the way they are at this point. I don't expect much out of them and I don't get upset when they don't call me back. I shrug it off, no big deal. But my friend expects things from her Convenience Friend because she is supposed to be a Best Friend and do all those best friend things like being in your wedding and being a God parent to your children and coming over for holidays. But what happens when the Best friend tells you she doesn't agree with who you are marrying and refuses to be in your wedding and then isn't even there for you when the engagement falls apart or she's not there when your body rebels against you making it so you may never have children or she doesn't have time to come over for the holidays anymore because she has her new family that is now more important than you? You kick her ass to the curb, right? You don't need that kind of shitty friendship! You have other friends that are there for you! People who love you, people who care..... right? Nope.
My friend crumbled apart instead. Her Convenience Friend got married and disappeared from her life and it destroyed her. Sure, getting married is stressful and you don't want to be thinking about your friend's problems when you have so many of your own, but to break the friendship off entirely.... after all the wedding stress is already over..... what is your excuse now? This person complete shut my friend out and wanted to have nothing to do with her suddenly after many years of friendship. Over what? No one seemed to know.
So, weeks go by.... months go by..... damn near a year went by with nothing from her "friend". She tried to let it go, tried to forget about her.... even tried to pretend she was dead. That only works until someone comes up to you and says, "Hey, you'll never believe who I ran into today!" People don't say that when someone has died. So it's just like a canker sore inside your mouth. You can try to pretend its not there and try to go on with your life and then you'll be happily chatting with someone and CHOMP you bite down on it and it starts to bleed all over again.
So, now you're up to current events. It wasn't quite as short of a history as I made it out to be, but I guess you're still reading so you can't be too mad at me. One day out of no where my friend gets a phone call and its her false friend all sunshine and happiness and wanting to talk everything over. CHOMP! bleed... bleed. Sigh.
Automatically the stress rises and mistrust rears its big ugly head again. What the hell could she possibly want after a year of the silent treatment? You wanna talk? I want you to kiss my ass, you canker sore! But no, those are my opinions not my friends and somehow she's not as mean as me and she agreed to meet with her estranged friend.
So, while these two are having their heartfelt cry session I'm downstairs and I get to hear the whole mess unfold. I hear half-assed apologies and some crying. I hear lame excuses and more crying. I hear demanding questions about what the hell happened (which was the only redeeming factor of the whole night) and some more crying. Eventually I hear laughing and some tossed in memories.... ah the good old days!
At last! We come to my actual dilemma! My friend is confused and doesn't know what to think. The fact that she isn't all yippee-skippy happy that her friend is back in her life actually gives me hope that she isn't a complete dope about this whole incident. She's trying to work it out in her own head and she wants my opinion so I have to work it out in my own head. Is the long lost friend to be trusted or is she only trying to ease her own mind about breaking the friendship up? Is she actually going to go back to the way she was before she went through her "crazy time" (their words not mind. i still think she's going through crazy time and I don't think she has ever NOT been in crazy time) or is she going to spaz out in another month and cut everyone off again? Basically is she just going to shred my friends heart again? Because, honestly, if she does it again, I may have to find out where she lives and go punch her in the face myself.
I'm the one that has to deal with the fall out (along with her other GOOD friend) not "crazy time" girl. Crazy Time doesn't know what my friend had to go through when she just took off into La-La Land. My friend started questioning all her friendships and if she was really that bad of a friend that someone would just stop talking to her for no reason. She got in irrational fights with other people just because of what her crap ass friend put her through. Maybe you are thinking I am a harsh person at this point and you are shocked I have any friends at all, but that's not true. I went through a lot of emotions the night I had to listen to the cry fest upstairs. I was happy for them and I was angry. I felt a mild stab of jealousy at one point and eventually slipped into indifference about the whole thing. "Whispered words of wisdom, LET IT BE" right?
Things will happen the way they happen and nothing I say or do is going to change that fact so why stress out..... that has always been my basic motto. If they're friends again, they're friends again. If nothing comes of it, nothing comes of it. But still.....
The more I think about it the more I get angry about it. I don't hold grudges for myself, but I hold them for my friends. How odd is that? I always spout off words of wisdom to my friends, "Oh, I would have said...." or "I would have done..." but when it comes down to it I've been treated like crap by a lot of people too and I seem to always just let it slide by. "Hey, remember me? I made your life a living hell for a whole year when you lived with me! I just wanted to say I went through a whole bunch of crap at that time and I'm sorry for that. Wanna be friends again?" "Sure. Why not." Hey, she said she was sorry! Good enough, right? Why do I hold so much resentment towards people who treat my friends like crap, but the people who treat me like crap I let them off easy? Because I'm crazy. Like every other girl. So, maybe this is just another incident of me over-reacting about someone else's problem and I should just let it go.... like I would if it were my own problem.....
I can just accept things for the way they turned out and go down the street whistling the Hy-Vee jingle. "Shop Hy-Vee! Where there's a helpful smile in every aisle!" And you thought I was going to let you forget that tune! Hell, it's taken my three days to finally get through this blog and the damn jingle is still stuck in my head. Why should I let you off so easy?
